Soup

I need to pick up some challah and make matzo ball soup this weekend!!!

Most people I know now don’t like matzo ball soup. For me it’s the best. It was a recipe that my great grand-mother taught me to make. She would say it’s talking food. I would laugh every time she would say it. I spent many dinners at her house. She would start off the same way every time. “Denise, where you a good girl this week? You know I don’t make soup for bad girls.” I would look at my dad and would say the same thing every time: “She came real close to being a bad girl this week but she tried to do the right thing.” She would smile and say we could make soup. I would be soo happy that I could make soup.

We would talk about the whole week and why it’s important to do the right thing. She would say something like: “You must try to do the right thing all the time, even when it hurts.” I never understood that comment. Heck to be honest there are still days when I don’t understand that comment. By the time we made the soup, I would be sent to set the table. I hated setting the table. It never made any sense. I would eat, she would continue to talk. Usually about what she wanted me to do in the upcoming week. I think I always said I would try (I can’t remember). Of course I would help clean up and if I was good I got to take some with me.

Soup. We talked we shared a moment. Nothing else matter when we made soup. I was with someone who truly cared about me. Our conversations were our own. My dad never asked what we talked about. I could be me. I could ask whatever I wanted it didn’t matter. Though I may not have understood the underline questions they were answered. Honestly and with love.

I need soup. I need THAT feeling!! I’ve been trying for so long to please other needs in my life that I have forgotten me. I say that “It’s about me.” But I don’t think that I have really ever done something truly for me. I need soup. I need talking food. I guard my words. I guard my heart. I have spent so many years putting working on the walls that I have forgotten to paint the walls and put up some pictures.

I need soup. I need comfort. I need to be accepted for me (the good and the bad). I need to know that I can vent and that's all it is. Nothing more nothing less. I need soup. I need that acceptance level. Soup...and a slice or two of challah. :)


On a side note:

I have been working reassessing my career. Currently all the signs point to me needing to leave my current position. So I have started to look at jobs outside of the Army and also in other units. I’ve been going to work for the last couple of months and it’s work. The feelings of it being a career and passion are gone. It’s time to move on. Regardless of the current economic conditions things in my life need to change. If it means turning my life inside out and starting over then so be it. For the record this might just be my mid-life crisis. However I need more in my life. And not knowing that I can progress in not good enough for me. I know that some people can be happy with what they have but that is so not me. I need little improvements. I can’t be the guy sitting in the same position for the next 8 years know this is all I’ll ever be. If that’s the case pull the trigger. For I refuse to settle for this is as good as it gets. Don’t get me wrong I’m not looking to win the lottery (but if you know the numbers could you get me a ticket?), I just looking to ensure that my life is moving forward. If I sit here then life is passing by.