September Is Filled With Personal Challenges

As September begins I have created a series of challenges that I would like to try. If you've read any of my posts then you know that I consume my time worrying about work and finances. So this month is about me and ways to streamline. Here's the list of challenges.

1. TV (just posted part 1
   
2. Fitness
   
3. Cooking
   
4. Simplifying my home décor
   
5. Modification of my homes (hopefully the final stages)
   
6. Zazen
   
7. 
   
   Road Trip lists

FITNESS:

So I have come to the conclusion that I have been half stepping in my fitness. I plan on creating a real workout plan that will follow for as long as I can. My problem with most fitness programs is that I start them get motivated then lose interest. So this month I'm looking to focus on my running (as my physical fitness test is in October). With the following month focused on updating upper body workouts. November will focus on biking, with December figuring out how to put it all into one three month program. Currently I am at 157, which is a loss of a couple of pounds in the last months. But no where I want to be; hence why it's on my Day Zero list.

COOKING:

I can't cook. No really a college freshman has more cooking skills that I do. I will begin slowly with picking recipes for the first two weeks of the month, as I will be traveling for work. This should give me time to learn to plan meals for the week. Currently I buy food and make a couple of meals for the put them in the frig, and then spend half the week forgetting my lunch or looking at the food and not wanting what I have made. Finally I realize that I have to eat it before it goes bad. Yes I know I'm not the brightest. But that also explains my lack luster feeling towards cooking…or eating at set times. This will be the beginning. October's challenge will be looking for the cooking schools within the area to continue the process of cooking. You would think I can cook since I like to watch the cooking shows every now and then.

SIMPLIFYING MY HOME DÉCOR:

Seriously!?! You would think that with all the donations that I have done in the last year that I would have this under control. Nope. This IS a follow on to August's social challenge. Once most everything was packed I realized that some things I didn't miss and others I grabbed every chance I got. Oh in reference to the social experiment, no one really said anything to me. Quite surprising but then I guess everyone knows that I'm not all there sometimes. J This will be the final stage of my simplifying. Due to the social challenge I truly realized how many things are really fillers in my life. If time permits this month I will be able to schedule to goodwill pick up. Yeah!!!

MODIFICATION OF THE HOMES:

I've turned everything in. It's up the mortgage companies now on whether I will own two homes or one. I'm hoping to get some answers this month. Seriously, this has been more an emotional rollercoaster than I originally expected. So here's to getting answers.

ZAZEN:

Okay this has Nancy written all over it. But this is more than just trying zazen nightly. This is learning more on the Buddhist teachings and finding balance. I've only read one book and currently working on another. I'm not looking to become a Buddhist or anything like that. It's the balance that I seek. Being single has left me with nothing but focus on my career and my finances. I need to re-learn relaxing. So the zazen will be the beginning of this journey. (Zazen means seated mediation it's a said to take years to truly learn the benefit of zazen). http://www.dharma-rain.org/zazen/whatis.html

ROAD TRIPS:

I sit at home most weekends because I'm broke. This is a crappy excuse not to get out. So I plan on taking a map of estimating different driving distances for day and weekend trips. Once I have that I will blow it up and getting darts. Each month I will throw a dart and plan a trip around it. Keeping financial obligations in mind, I will determine if it's a day or weekend trip. In time I will break down and buy a real camera, until then my little crap camera works. This is spared with the zazen and the need to live. I have confined myself to the house and sit here watching everyone live their lives around me. I need to get out!! I highly doubt that the man of my dreams is going to knock on my door. My first road trip will be to Fort Benning, as a friend is graduating the Physician Assistant Program followed by driving down to South Florida for the remainder of Labor Day.


 
Just a little note:

Work is getting to me. Yes! Work not my career. The last couple of months have felt more like work than a career. I have over tasked myself with things to keep me occupied but that too has worn off. I think that the rainbow in all of this is that I'm finally realizing how life as pasted me by trying to reach a goal. My desire to become and Sergeant First Class (E-7) has consumed my last five years. I think I'm finally accepting that I will retire as a Staff Sergeant. So here I stand on moving my focus on to things around me that I can improve. I am official over my hunt for my E-7 over; as I will focus on a life after the military. Here's to going back to get a new degree.

TV Challenge

So I have decided to make a TV challenge for myself. So you know I've been an avid DirecTV with Tivo advocate for over 9 years. It started when I moved to Homestead and the job I had there had no set hours. The concept of being able to record TV shows was still new. Fast forward 9 years later. I have become accustomed to not watching shows when they are live. My Tivo system is on average 40-50% full at anytime. But lately I've noticed that some shows are getting half-ass recorded. Other times Mother Nature becomes a mother! So I'm stuck going online to watch the shows that I have missed.

So in January after switching to HD DirecTV, my bill moved to $95 for the Total Choice with local channels and HD. I'm spending $95 for what? My financial state is far from good right now and the realization that I'm spending $95 on something makes me rethink it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the HD channels the clarity is simply amazing. If you don't think so go to your local appliance store and ask them to put on a nature show in HD. You too will be hooked.

I digress, so back to the matter at hand with this TV challenge. I've heard of people watching TV from the computer. Heck I've read blogs on the topic. But the real questions are:

Is it worth it?                         What are the pros and cons?

How different will it make my current lifestyle?     So if I'm using the internet how does that affect my surfing speeds when I'm half-ass watching TV?

Will I still get HD quality?                 How the heck to watch sports?

What do I miss out on by switching?            Is it just easier to switch to Comcast?

What's the deal with sezmi or boxee?            What about Netflix?

 

 

As September begins phase 1 of this challenge will begin. I have decided to take this month to look at how much TV I really watch along with what I watch. I will attempt to create a pros and cons for my situation. So if you have any question or comments, please feel free to leave a comment or email me (if you have that). J And yes I will be looking for children's channels just because I want to know how some families are doing this.

 

Social Experiment: August 2010

Currently I’m experiencing a financial strain that like most American are encountering. As I enter mediation proceedings with the company trying to foreclose on my house during my modification, reality has hit. Though I have been told that they will not foreclose on the house until all modification attempts have been exhausted, I can’t help but wonder. What would it feel like to be told I only have three days to evacuate the dwelling? That’s when I realized: “I have a lot of stuff.” Stuff! Some of my things with emotional ties and others with monetary ties. I realize that some there’s no way for me to move out of this house by myself in three days. Does one person really need at three bedroom house? Probably not.

So as the month of August begins I will begin a social experiment. My experiment is an off shoot of a couple of my original Day Zero Project tasks.
#25 Organize and maintain the garage
#28 De-clutter my life
#43 Update clothes (donate the old ones)


So here’s how this experiment will work. Over the next few days I will pack up each of my rooms into moving boxes (the whole foreclosure issue). While the items are being packed I will be inventorying and cataloging everything. As each of the items is used it will be written down. Shortly after Labor Day I will be reviewing the items that were not used. I’m not throwing anything away until I know that I will not need it. No this will not be a “I might need it someday” thing.

So let’s take the pressure washer sitting in the garage. I use this twice a year. The question now is does someone I know have a pressure washer and what is the probability of using their pressure washer? How much would it cost to rent it for a weekend from one of those rental places? How much does it cost to get someone else to do it? Do I really need it? Looking at it would seem as a no brainer, I need it. In all actuality the answer is no. I have more than 4 friends that have pressure washer, who have all told me that I could use it. It cost $130 to rent for 2 days (which by the way was the cost of the pressure washer). As for getting someone to do it would cost $120 (this would cover the house, driveway and back patio). This is just one example. So in September, I will be putting the pressure washer up for sale on Craigslist. I will be telling people how I am living for the next month just to see reaction. It is my belief that people will look at this as a strange way to live. That "doesn't make sense", "why would you think that you have to much stuff? I have too much stuff." I believe that people will not look at their own possessions and self-evaluate their items but just demonize me for trying to control my surroundings. The only two other statements that I think I might hear is "when your done come do my house" or "really?"


My wanting to de-clutter my life has taken on a life of its own. Due to the fact that the current modification procedures go until November; I will be using that as my deadline. This should be interesting as I will be out of town for at three weeks during this period. Regardless of the outcome I will be able to say that I know what is in my house. I have been experimenting with downsizing for a couple of months but with the possibility of living accommodations changing I know have a drive.

My end state is to 1) know that I can move quickly if need be 2) have a truly complete home inventory to include a room by room breakdown 3) a more simplified home. One without the just in case items

September’s prelude: Of course I will be getting rid of the excess items. Whether it be craigslist or goodwill donation. This will be my last month to try and collect to money for the Race for the Cure in Tampa. Talk about crunch time. My first attempt at Day Zero Project tasks:
#3 Stop swearing for a whole month.
#11 the 100 push up challenge
#12 the 200 sit up challenge
#44 go a month without drinking sodas (I have opted to one up this and not drink caffeine products)
#73 Read at least 10 classic books (at least start)

Lastly I will be spending my internet time reviewing one topic for the whole month. August will be all about budgeting. This is to include understanding how I am spending; where I can trim the extra money from; reviewing my rewards programs and their benefits.

So here’s to social experimenting.

Truth ≈ Lies

What you do in life will have echo effects.

“I need you to tell the truth, even if it hurts.” Funny how we are all brought up on this standard. Yet few of us live up to this level of truth. Even you if you try someone will think you’re lying. Irony! We grow up trying to learn how to say something without hurting feelings. Really?! Isn’t this a nicer way to lie?
Why take so much time to lie? I’ve always thought it’s easier to only answer questions when posed to me. You may not like the answer that I give but it’s the honest truth. I’m not concerned if I hurt your feelings. I want believe the truth will set you free. That the truth will be the one thing people will find a true positive characteristic of your personality.
Recently I learned it doesn’t matter. I answered a question with honesty and was told it was a lie. A lie! A fucking lie. I tell you the truth and you look at the readings and tell me it’s a lie. Nice! Why tell the truth if it’s going to be considered a lie. Why look for honesty and integrity if it’s just a lie? Honesty is just a matter of opinion. Why look for truth? Is it really there or is it something that we want to believe? I don’t know any more.

My faith in truth has been shattered by a machine. My career goals of steeping forward and moving in a new direction has been crushed. For I told the truth and was told it was a lie. I told the truth and my integrity was considered false. I told the truth and a machine called me a liar. My life changing career goal was left to the results of a machine that said I’m lying. Now I see why people don’t believe in it.

Let me leave you with these quotes.

“Truth is the safest lie.” -Jewish proverb
“The honester the man, the wore the luck.” – John Ray
“I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.” – Robert Frost
“To lose. Is to learn.” – Anon
“The significance of a man is not in what he attains but rather in what he longs to attain.” – Kahlil Gibran
....and with that said I bid you ado.

Fitness Sucks

“Everyone wants a nice body but nobody wants to work for it.” This was a phrase that was said when I worked out on active duty. I used to hate this phrase. Today I have decided to make this my motivational theme as I attempt to rid myself of this ‘funk.’ I’ve been working haphazardly trying to lose weight and get back into shape. However it’s been to no avail.
For the past couple of months I’ve been attempting to get back down to manageable weight. Nothing seems to work. I’ve tried doing a normal workout plan, didn’t really work. I’ve downloaded the 100 push-up /sit-up apps for my phone. “Everyone wants a nice body but nobody wants to work for it.” For the longest time it assumed that it had it do with my intensity in my workouts. In my case it has to do with the frequency.
Seriously I must find motivation to want to work out. I look at other people and say in my head “I wish I looked like that.” Why? That should be my motivation that should be enough. Yet here I sit trying to find motivation.
Well I’m here to say that I am getting off my ass. I’m tired of saying that I’m working on something and not really working on something. I must be held accountable! No longer will I be saying I’m going to try and workout. I will be working out. I must take this more seriously. I must lose this weight; I must stop looking at other people in jealously.
So here is my plan on correcting this situation:
I have downloaded some apps and updated my calendar. Currently I have 200 sit-ups, 100 push-ups and MapMyRun. The push up and sit up programs are great but when working out it the constant stopping to switch apps are irritating. I have opted to try MyFitnessPal app. I don’t know that this is ‘the’ app but I will be giving it a go.
Okay so that was the breakdown of apps. As for the workout plan, I will be using a simple 10K plan that will allow me to get back into the wanting to run pattern. The last time I used it I found that I actually started to like running. This should be fun, especially since I don’t like to run. (I’d rather write the next great American novel). I will be using a upper body/lower body workout plan for the rest of the body. Abs! I want abs!! For that reason I will be using a 10-15 minute abs program each day.
The last thing I am doing is monitoring my nutrition. I’ve not taking this time to really look at this. I know that my eating pattern is schizophrenic so this will be ‘fun’ to control.
So here is my current breakdown as of 18 July 2010.

Height Weight Calorie
Current 5’7” 165 1500-2900
Ideal 130-142 1520

And with that I will be getting off of this soapbox since I've got 30lbs to lose.

Soup

I need to pick up some challah and make matzo ball soup this weekend!!!

Most people I know now don’t like matzo ball soup. For me it’s the best. It was a recipe that my great grand-mother taught me to make. She would say it’s talking food. I would laugh every time she would say it. I spent many dinners at her house. She would start off the same way every time. “Denise, where you a good girl this week? You know I don’t make soup for bad girls.” I would look at my dad and would say the same thing every time: “She came real close to being a bad girl this week but she tried to do the right thing.” She would smile and say we could make soup. I would be soo happy that I could make soup.

We would talk about the whole week and why it’s important to do the right thing. She would say something like: “You must try to do the right thing all the time, even when it hurts.” I never understood that comment. Heck to be honest there are still days when I don’t understand that comment. By the time we made the soup, I would be sent to set the table. I hated setting the table. It never made any sense. I would eat, she would continue to talk. Usually about what she wanted me to do in the upcoming week. I think I always said I would try (I can’t remember). Of course I would help clean up and if I was good I got to take some with me.

Soup. We talked we shared a moment. Nothing else matter when we made soup. I was with someone who truly cared about me. Our conversations were our own. My dad never asked what we talked about. I could be me. I could ask whatever I wanted it didn’t matter. Though I may not have understood the underline questions they were answered. Honestly and with love.

I need soup. I need THAT feeling!! I’ve been trying for so long to please other needs in my life that I have forgotten me. I say that “It’s about me.” But I don’t think that I have really ever done something truly for me. I need soup. I need talking food. I guard my words. I guard my heart. I have spent so many years putting working on the walls that I have forgotten to paint the walls and put up some pictures.

I need soup. I need comfort. I need to be accepted for me (the good and the bad). I need to know that I can vent and that's all it is. Nothing more nothing less. I need soup. I need that acceptance level. Soup...and a slice or two of challah. :)


On a side note:

I have been working reassessing my career. Currently all the signs point to me needing to leave my current position. So I have started to look at jobs outside of the Army and also in other units. I’ve been going to work for the last couple of months and it’s work. The feelings of it being a career and passion are gone. It’s time to move on. Regardless of the current economic conditions things in my life need to change. If it means turning my life inside out and starting over then so be it. For the record this might just be my mid-life crisis. However I need more in my life. And not knowing that I can progress in not good enough for me. I know that some people can be happy with what they have but that is so not me. I need little improvements. I can’t be the guy sitting in the same position for the next 8 years know this is all I’ll ever be. If that’s the case pull the trigger. For I refuse to settle for this is as good as it gets. Don’t get me wrong I’m not looking to win the lottery (but if you know the numbers could you get me a ticket?), I just looking to ensure that my life is moving forward. If I sit here then life is passing by.

#26 De-clutter My Life: Part 1

I'm surrounded by things in my house. As I look around they don't really hold as much of a value as they once did. That's how this task made it into my day zero list.  Currently I have completed 16% of my tasks.  Decluttering would be a get idea, however here I am trying to downsize my house. As I try and clean out my house of the little things becomes more of a chore than a quick fix that I had orginally assumed it would be.

Let us start of with the bedroom.  This should be a simple fix right?  Not so much.  In the beginning I pulled everything out again and verified what I needed and what I really wouldn't wear. Yet again I as able to let go of somethings. As I placed everything back into the closet it still doesn't look like I made a dent. But now I have clothes that I THINK I might wear. The dresser produced the same results.   As for the other things in the bedroom area those were simple choices.

The living room will take longer to complete. I plan on getting rid of my entertainment center. This in itself will create a lot of loose items that I need to figure out if I need it and where I want to put them once the entertainment center is gone. The office will have its own issues. As I will have to first downsize my paper trail. Once that's complete I need to consolidate my two bookshelves into one.  As for the desktop I will be converting it into a media center for my home theatre.  This will result in having to convert either my old laptops to monitors or something useful.

It is my goal to complete both my living room and office this weekend.   As my goal is to get down to owning only what I need. For I think I have spent the last eight...yes eight collecting nice to haves.  Now I look around and see my nice to haves as these meaningless things that have consumed me.

 

May I leave you with quotes that explain my current thoughts. And yes they are strangely scattered.

"The things you own end up owning you.".  -chuck palahniuk

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to anything."- chuck palahniuk

"Youre not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis" - chuck palahniuk's fight club

I need to be free of these things that are holding me down.  For they are preventing my wings from spreading.

This Book Will Change Your Life

Some time ago I purchased a book called "This Book Will Change Your Life." After purchasing the book I completed some tasks and put the book down as my life was changing. Now that my life has settled down and I am trying to complete unfinished tasks in my Day Zero Project. This last weekend I completed the last take I was willing to do within the book. My last task was to leave a note on someone's windshield. My note: According to the police officer I can no longer follow you around, something about a state law. I love you and will be back after googling it." It may freak out the owner of the car but I giggled like a school girl as I put it on their car.

I have decided not to complete many of these tasks. Some of things I currently cannot wrap my head around doing. Some I know are illegal other so stupid I will not stoop to that level. With that said here are some the things I have opted not to do.

 

• SEND A LETTER TO A SERIAL KILLER. Seriously? Why the F would I want to brighten this rat bastard's pathetic little life. I mean seriously no!
  
• EAT NOTHING BUT ASPARAGUS ALL DAY LONG TO ASCERTAIN JUST HOW NOXIOUS YOUR PEE CAN GET. I'm sorry did you want me to smell my pee? Not going to happen. Granted I do wonder how many people who bought this book actually did this.
  
• DAIL A PHONE NUMBER AT RANDOM AND READ THIS SCRIPT WITH A DEEP SOUTH ACCENT. Please note that it is like a 2 page rant on believing in Jesus Christ and why you should believe in him. Yeah…nope!
  
• APPLY FOR KNIGHTHOOD. As soon as I do something worth applying I will submit. Until then I'll just hold onto the address. J
  
• MAKE A CITIZZEN'S ARREST. Something about this says false imprisonment charges.
  
• EXPERIENCE CHRIST'S PLIGHT FOR YOURSELF WITH OUR DIY CRUCIFIXION KIT. Once again, not going to happen
  
• SHOPLIFT TODAY. Why does it feel like I'm going to get arrested yet again?
  
• PREGNANCY TEST DAY. Here they want you to pee on this page to see if you're pregnant. Whaaa?
  
• SEND $18 TO THE AUTHORS. Yeah to the authors: I'm sure you made money during the book deal. If not hire a new agent. Thanks but no.
  
• TODAY, HAND DELIVER ALL YOUR E-MAILS. Okay I'll get right on that.
  

 

So it's official. I have completed #57. On a side note, I have completed #47. Now I must figure out how to come up with the money to plant trees. To offset my carbon footprint since birth I would have to plant 477 trees (14 trees per year).

 

 

 

 

 

Drowning

I’m drowning! I’m grasping for air. As I try to stay afloat, I feel things pulling me down. I kick my legs and nothing. Slowly I begin to sink further into the water. Once I was on top of the water enjoying the clouds go by on my little float. Now here I am sinking.


I’m drowning. It’s the little things that consume me. I look around and these little things that have become the weights. Once my life was filled with joy, now it’s just a hollow abyss of maintenance. Where did everything go south? Did time pass me by as the things grew? Did I fail to realize the things were starting to consume me? I’m drowning! I must free myself of this feeling. So here I sit waiting for things to sort themselves out. I look around hoping that things will just fall into place. I went from being a minimalist to a collector. Now here I am drowning with the weight that makes me feel like a hoarder.


So beginning today I am learning to swim. I will start off by looking my surroundings and realizing that I am no longer a minimalist. I was at peace as a minimalist. I must shed this weight that has become my burden. Will this solve the problem? I don’t know. But I’m drowning and must learn to swim. My energy is being suck way from as I look at these little things that need to do and don’t want to.


There once was a time that I would wake up and start my day with fire in my eyes. I would complete my objectives in a day. Now I start them and hope to finish in a day or two. Some objectives, I place on my task list and move to tomorrow in hopes of not having to do them. I’m sense of accomplishment is sinking with my peace.
So today I begin my two month journey of shedding this weight of having too many little things that are holding me back. Once there was a time that all my things didn’t consume me. I will not let my things consume me.

#53: Complete a 365 day photo challenge

Day Zero Project + Project 365 + iPhone = a funny little love for photos.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/46167497@N04/

Currently I own your generic digital camera. It's old and outdated. Most people would have given it to their child by now. Think I'm kidding? It's a 4.0 megapixel camera. Stores like Wal-mart and overstock carry nothing lower than a 10 megapixel. At first I was going to buy a new camera and start this project but then thought about it. I have an iphone why not try that first versus dropping $500 on a camera that MIGHT get used.

I will try to complete this task while learning the basics of taking photos. It's my hopes that at the end of my first iteration of project 365 that I will purchase a real camera. Round 2 would be a more of a journey on understanding the true ability of learning camera features.

So follow check at the photos and laugh at my silly photos! Hey I might even get over my self conscious towards photos of myself. You never know. So exsuce me while I take a photo.

Little tid-bit on my current outlook on photos. :

- love photos
- hate being photos
- I'm a sucker for black and white
- can point and shoot
- can crop the pictures


Lastly, I'm learning to use flickr.com my fire. I upload the my first two weeks worth of photos. Hopefully these will be the only photos out of order until I figure out how to put them in order properly.

My Answers ’50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind’

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
23. Just old enough to see both the good and the bad in world with reckless abandon and the attitude not to care what others think about my decisions.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. Failing allows for new paths and memories. Never trying! Never trying leaves doubt in what could have been.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Things get in the way. Careers slowly become work. Little things seem to become more important in the overall picture even when it’s something that you don’t want to do. We lose sight of living in the now and become consumed with planning for the future.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Yes. I didn’t become a vet or a politician. Just a few things that said I would do.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Humm…jealousy. I wish people would just be happy for someone else’s fortune.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
The little things moments.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
This is a mixed answer. I used to love this but there are times when I believe I’m settling.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Wow! I would have been more determined to make things work. I spend a lot of time letting things go, believing that things will work themselves out.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
By choices. Though right (to me) at the moment, time has proven them to be wrong.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right thing.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Defend my friend!

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Watch the clouds go by.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Yes

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I’m not sure. I know that there have been the WTF moments that soon turn to understanding but I don’t know if I could consider those.

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Speak freely as long as it doesn’t have to do with my own emotions. I will say what I want and then think about it may affect to other person.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
I have strange sense of humor.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Falling in love. Humm…my temper, inability to open up or become more approachable…to name a few. I close myself off to others. It’s easier for me to keep people at a distance (where I think they can’t hurt me).

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Feeling that my work is me. For some reason I’ve held my work above me. My work says everything about me. I don’t take time for me when I need to if there is work I feel is important. Things that most people might not stay late for.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
State: Colorado. Country: United Kingdom

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Sometimes. No I usually do this out of frustration.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Joyful simpleton.

22. Why are you, you?
I’m a product of my surroundings and upbringing. Not in the sense that I’m blaming my parents or anything. I believe it that is my reactions and my interactions that help make me the person that I am for good or bad.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Yes. Or at least I hope that I would have been a good friend.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Talk about picking the worse of two evils. A good friend who lives right near you is the answer I’m going with. I can understand the long distance issue, but being close and not being there means to me that there is something else wrong in the friendship. Have we grown apart or gone in different directions to the point where we don’t call. Yeah a good friend who lives right near me would be the worse.

25. What are you most grateful for?
Loving friends and family.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Never make new ones.

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
No.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
No.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Spending time with my great-grandmother, she would make matzo ball soup just for me.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I would have to say when I was creating my first day zero project list. Something about finding new direction is invigorating.

32. If not now, then when?
Now! Not later now.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Nothing, I must try! If I don’t I will probably spend my life doing the ‘what if’ for the rest of my life.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yeah

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Ego.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No. What I might find good you may find evil (or vise-a-versa).

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No. I would need more time to get things in order to make sure I could live off it. I’m sure I have enough bills that need to be paid. Then after paying off some things for family and charity, I would still need a job.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work you actually enjoy doing.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
I don’t know about a hundred times but yes.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
The week after I realized that I was passed over for promotion.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
My family and those who lived in the area

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. But you know it’s sad that I had to think about this one. You see I’m single. I haven’t had a date in some time…and it doesn’t help that I feel inadequate to begin with.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Anyone can be alive. But to be able to live it to the fullest is not something that everyone does. Most of us look around and say ‘wow I wish I could do that’ and never even try to do it. We only have one life. We don’t know if tomorrow is the our last day but we start everyday as though we know that tomorrow will be just another day.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
It’s hard to say nowadays. For me it’s the level or right. I’m not going to put my life on the line if I think that it will just be another sad story. Don’t get me wrong if it will help someone yes. There is no other choice. But I think that I would react hostile to someone approaching me then I’m not doing it.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Though we learn from our mistakes we don’t want to fail.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I don’t think I would change anything. I don’t think I’ve ever really been concerned about being judged.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
When running..or trying to reach a speed that maybe considered running or jogging.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
Little moments. No.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
I would like to say yes, but only time will tell.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Lately it feels like both. I have been making decisions on some things and letting others make the ones I no longer am trying to stress over.

Little moments

It's the little moments that matter

We consume ourselves with big moments. Yet it's the little moments that matter. It's the little moments that make the day. Yet somehow they are blurred by the big things. We forget to take a look around and see the special moments around us. We take for granted that first deep breath and the hazy for daylight when we wake up. The innocence of a small child that enthralled by feeding popcorn to a kio, should warm any heart. The beauty of a couple dancing in a concert can make anyone smile.

Take a step back. Look at your day from a new window. Don't become devoured by major events. Someone once said "It is what it is." Seriously stop and enjoy the moments around you. Don't think about the coffee. Think about the aroma. Don't think about the drive to work. Think about the people in their car, trying to get a million things done on the way to work. Seriously! Stop and smell the roses. Call a loved one tell them that you love them. Call an old friend and reminisce. You'll be surprised by the little smirk that appears when you recall that moment.


 
A couple little facts:

• I think that I will die alone and the living alone scares me more than the concept of death.
• I dislike large crowds. I can work the room like the next guy. But I LOVE small intimate settings. There's nothing better than the connection that can be made in those small settings.
• I like to people watch….not like you can't tell from this blog :)

Dumbass meets A Type being a B Type

I went the other day to a psychologist the other day for one thing and ending up with another thing. After about an hour of talking, I was told that I have a tendency of talking down to people and that I should add the word 'dumbass' to the end of my conversations. I was also told that I was an A type personality and that I needed to be more of a B Type personality. WTF!

The dumbass:

This seemed like a simple thing when I walked out, until I started to drive away. As my mind wondered through the 'adding dumbass' concept it seemed to become a little disturbing to little conversations. Heck I made fun of the concept of adding it. The next work day seemed to prove a little more challenging than I thought. I think at one point I wanted to comment on something and after mentally adding the dumbass to the end of it, I stayed silent. By mid-day I had given up on wanting to talk at work. Normally I would jump in on talking about nothing but not today. I spent most of the day realizing that: "Shit I really do talk down more than I realize." Now to changing that is not as easy as I think it would be. This will definitely take longer to adjust to then I originally assumed.

A type personality

Seriously? Me an A type? Crazy I always ASSumed that these where people that where self motivated people. I'm a procrastinator. I will wait until the 11^th hour to complete something. To think I would be considered an A type is a little crazy. I know that I like things a certain way but that's because I'm a bit of an ass. The psychologist stated that A types have a tendency of burning themselves out and that I need to learn to take a step back. That little statement made me realize that I an A type. For that is what my plan was for the career transition. So here I sit. An A type trying to be a B (dumbass).


 
#74 Watch the clouds go by.  I spent my lunch hour on my back watching the clouds go by.  Only to go back to work wondering when life became so hectic that I stopped staring into space and wondering about possibilities. Might I say it was a nice break from the working lunch that I normally used to do.

Silence

So here I sit trying to express myself. Here I sit in silence wondering if you know me. Then it dawns on me, I'm not saying anything. I'm listening but not saying anything. I start to talk, but what do I talk about. I'm quick with my smart remarks. I've always been good at smart remarks. Then I realize that this is just yet another mechanism to avoid the inevitable. I'm not an open book. The emotions run through my veins like the next person but I don't talk about them or express them. I'll smile and laugh it off. I don't talk about them. I'll change the topic, make a smart remark or act like I didn't just hear that. When I do try and talk about something that has filled me with emotion; I try and lightly the moment with a smart remark.

Do I tell you that you mean a lot to me? Do I tell you that I'm not in the mood? Do I tell you that I scared to death of dying alone in life? Do I tell you that I'm a hopeless romantic? Do I tell you that I don't know why I've never been a fan of large crowds because I have a fear of being trampled to death? Do I tell you that I love music for the lyrics and that's what drew me to different types of music growing up? Do I tell you that talking about basic 'natural' things makes me feel like everyone understands it, freaks me out? Do I tell you that I cry myself to sleep every February 9-10^th, since 2000? Do I tell you that I have a fear of hurting the one's that I love? Do I tell you that I hate living alone but would rather live alone than deal with having a roommate (though it would help me out financially)? Do I tell you that sometimes I buy dinner even though I know I shouldn't? Do I tell you that I can make remarks and talk about other people's sex lives but I'm still a giggling teenager when it comes to my own? Do I tell you I stopped casual shopping because I realize that I might be able to retire in eight years and if I continue I my current spend habits I will retire still in debt? Or do I tell you that I know that I will have to provide for my parents when the time comes, since I am the only child that still talks avidly talks to them. Do I tell you that I don't open up because inside I'm still a child and can't handle rejection? I have a thing for eyes? Do say I love love hugs! Yet feel awkward giving them?

So here I sit trying to come up with words to form a sentence. Dazed, confused, stand offish. So here I sit trying to express myself.

A poem that I like

In This Special Moment in Life

Think freely. Practice patience. Smile often. Savor special moments. Make new friends. Rediscover old ones. Tell those you love that you do. Feel deeply. Forget trouble. Forgive an enemy. Hope. Grow. Be crazy. Count your blessings. Observe miracles. Let them happen. Discard worry. Give. Give in. Trust enough to take. Pick some flowers. Share them. Keep a promise. Look for rainbows. Gaze at stars. See beauty everywhere. Work hard. Be wise. Try to understand. Take time for people. Make time for yourself. Laugh heartily. Spread joy. Take a chance. Reach out. Let someone in. Try something new. Slow down. Be soft sometimes. Believe in yourself. Trust others. See a sunrise. Listen to rain. Reminisce. Cry when you need to. Trust life. Have faith. Enjoy wonder. Comfort a friend. Have good ideas. Make some mistakes. Learn from them. Celebrate LIFE.

- Robert Emmett Tansey

"So everyone knows this was given to me while playing rent a cop after leaving the military. If you don't know Mr. Tansey is also the author of "Footprints."  This IS a re-post.  But I love this poem.  I think until a find a poem better than this one it will be re-posted every January as my 'new years thing.'   :)"

On a change of topic: 


My work week to say the least has been interesting.  I went from trying to follow a 'new map' mentality - to you might be fired -to I'll resign on my own terms thank you! -to just follow your map that don't worry about being fired.   Talk about a slew of emotions.  To top things off this was a week physically challenged by mother nature and a week #2 of a head cold that's taking longer than normal to get rid of. 


oh ADD moment:  Can you see the two rainbows? I know it's not the best but it was the first time I had a camera when seeing two rainbows.

How funny

As many of you know I posted my 101 things to do in 1000 days list. So I completed a couple of things on the master list.  I am still working on the "This Book Will Change Your Life". But today, today was so ironic. I've created a list for things that I wanted to do. Yet here in the "This Book Will Change Your Life" was yet another list. This list however was too funny. Here is an excerpt for today's task. "Things you will never do before you die. Tick the boxes to come to terms with the fact that you will never:" How funny is that! Here I am trying to do things I've put off or would like to do, and here's this list of never.


So here are the highlights of things I will never:

1. Climb Everest (Seriously too big of a mountain for #38)
   
2. Become a world champion chess player
   
3. Become queen (dang it!!!)
   
4. Walk to the North Pole
   
5. Visit space
   
6. Start a cult
   
7. Confess to a whore
   
8. Own an owl
   
9. Update the Kama Sutra
   
10. Take a vow of silence
    
11. Run with wolves
    
12. Be the 78^th person on the moon
    
13. Win best looking baby of the year
    
14. Walk down the yellow brick road (really? I remember wanting to do this when I read it)
    
15. Get away with murder (unless of course you talk to my parentsJ)
    
16. Talk dirty to a flower
    
17. Channel lava away from a village
    
18. Surpass Einstein (seriously)
    
19. Blame g-d for everything
    
20. Become immortal  
    

Granted here are something things I haven't come to terms on 'never' doing:

1. Rule the world (Seriously, there's still time right?)
   
2. Wave a red rage to a bull
   
3. Howl at the moon (I'm just sayin….)
   
4. Reach nirvana
   
5. Find a guru
   
6. Invade a small country (I have to start somewhere if I want to rule the world)
   
7. Swim in Lake Titicaca
   
8. Find your self
   
9. Master the remote control (so I have buttons I don't even use, others I have no clue what they do)
   

So now I have yet another list. Things I will do, want to do and won't do. Ever notice how one simple list can grow. The last couple of months I've wanted to make my bucket list then came the 101 things now the list of never.



On a side note: Nancy, thank you for today. Thank you for being you. You are a rock when I am weak and confused. Somehow you always know how to make smile when I feel down. You listen when I think no one will. You are the reality check when no one else will tell me to piss off. You express yourself in ways I wish I could. You're open when I am so stand-offish. You're there when I need it more than I know it. So I thank you for being you. I don't know what I would do without ya. I love you man!

My bucket

1. Stop and smell the roses
   
2. Inspire someone to do something they love
   
3. Create an annual 5K fundraiser
   
4. Learn to become more expressive
   
5. Spend a month just being a ski bum
   
6. Dive Fiji
   
7. Go to the Olympics
   
8. See the Great Wall
   
9. Go on a walk-about
   
10. New Year's Eve in Time Square
    
11. Go to a Cherry Blossom Festival
    
12. Running of the Bulls
    
13. Read 100 classic books
    
14. Learn Spanish
    
15. Learn Mandarin
    
16. Learn to be satisfied with the life I have
    
17. Find the rainbow in life
    

 

 

As you can see this not a crazy list, I'm not a crazy person. However it was funny to notice that while creating these lists that I have experienced at lot. Things I've taken for granted. Somehow I've completed things and have forgotten the smell of those roses.

My 101 things in 1000 days list

As I've noted previously I am create 2 lists. While creating both lists I came across the "dayzeroproject.com" I have opted create one of my two lists based on this project. Hopefully this will help motivate me to complete this list. As an additional challenge I plan on posting each events success here. So here's my list.

1. Get down to 150 and stay there
   
2. Drink 12 glasses of water day
   
3. Complete a 100 mile bike ride
   
4. Do the 100 push up challenge
   
5. Do the 200 sit up challenge
   
6. Train for a sprint
   
7. Stick to my workout plan
   
8. Log my runs (www.mapmyruns.com)
   
9. Create a workable schedule
   
10. Automate all my bills
    
11. Create a savings account for travel purposes (3 Jan 10)
    
12. Enroll into a DRIP account
    
13. Donate $10 for every project not completed to charity*
    
14. Put $5 into travel savings account for every tasked completed*
    
15. Save all my change for the length of the project
    
16. Create a healthy eating plan
    
17. Get the back door fixed
    
18. Organize and maintain the garage
    
19. Create a mini garden
    
20. Create a workable home maintenance list and follow it
    
21. De-clutter my life (if I haven't used it goes into the donate pile)
    
22. Cook more @ home
    
23. Pick strawberries and make a cheesecake with it
    
24. Learn to pair wines better
    
25. Take a cooking class
    
26. Learn to take better photos
    
27. Complete 1000 hours of work related correspondences
    
28. Make an iTunes app
    
29. Make 10 things from instructables.com
    
30. Learn to ride a motorcycle
    
31. Enter a sandcastle contest (looks like April 2012…as soon as the weather warms up I'll start 'training.' Don't think I need training? Google sandcastle contest images.)
    
32. Drive to Halifax (Canada)
    
33. Ski Mont-Tremblant
    
34. Do geo-cashing for a month
    
35. Watch turtles enter the sea for the first time
    
36. Attend a fire and ice festival (there's something cool about being surrounded by snow, ice, sitting by a fire, watching fireworks after a day of viewing ice sculptures and eating carny food)
    
37. Host a themed party
    
38. Climb a mountain (picking up all the trash on the way up and down)
    
39. Update clothes (donate the old ones)
    
40. Go a month without drinking sodas
    
41. Go a month without eating peanut made products
    
42. Make 1 day a week a no spend day
    (Opted to make it Sundays)
    
43. Calculate my carbon footprint since birth (need to plant 476 trees! Wow)
    
44. Make a candle balloon
    
45. Go to a concert by myself (31 Dec 09)
    
46. Go to dinner by myself
    
47. Read 10 classics (that I haven't already read)
    
48. Play a round of golf with a complete stranger
    
49. Send one "just because card" a month (don't know why I stopped doing this)
    
50. Braid my hair
    
51. Learn to mix 10 drinks that I like
    
52. Work on 1 NanNoWriMo project*
    
53. Complete a 365 day photo challenge*
    
54. Run in the snow..this time not in formation J
    
55. Revamp my blog layout (3 Jan 10)
    
56. Write more in my blog
    
57. Complete all the 'doable parts' of "This book will change your life' (5 Apr 10)
    
58. Inspire someone else to do their own list
    
59. Start an LLC (1 Jan 10)
    
60. Buy a neat scanner (www.neatco.com)
    
61. Complete REALITI course (website is down no telling when it will get fixed) L
    
62. Revamp leaders book
    
63. Update work calendar (4 Jan 10)
    
64. Re-assess my career path (funny how this is on there and my career looks to be falling apart)
    
65. Practice shooting more
    
66. Make work, work and personal personal
    
67. Plant trees to make up for my carbon footprint
    
68. Spend Thanksgiving at a soup kitchen
    
69. Sponsor 3 families for Thanksgiving
    
70. Donate at least 10 new books to the library
    
71. Volunteer @ a Cancer Treatment Center
    
72. Donate 6 pints of blood
    
73. Complete 500 hours of community service
    
74. Watch the clouds go by
    
75. Participate in operation beautiful*
    
76. Make one meal a week for month from epicurious.com
    
77. Complete "50 questions that will free your mind"
    http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/ * (4 Apr 10)
    
78. Be more apt to being outside my comfort zone
    
79. Go to a rugby game
    
80. Update the will (7 Apr 10)
    
81. Create a living will (the pull the plug and donate my organs one) (7 Apr 10)
    
82. Attend a Toastmaster meeting
    
83. Network the house
    
84. Go to the airport and take the next flight out (and spend the day there)
    
85. Make a mini compost bin
    (not going to happen! There's a possibility of rodents. Yuck!!)
    
86. Do the monthly photo scavenger hunt on (www.flickr.com/groups/monthlyhunt/) *
    
87. Do freebie golf
    
88. Create a 5 year plan
    
89. Stop cursing for a week / month
    
90. Update and back up my iTunes
    
91. Sync outlook to cell phone (7 Jan 10)
    
92. Go to bed by 10 for a month
    
93. Go into the water at the beach here (still not used to the water color here)
    
94. Make a turducken
    
95. Re-gain a love for astronomy
    
96. Dance like it's nobody's business
    
97. Keep my car clean for a whole month
    
98. Attend a seafood festival
    
99. Go on a pub crawl
    
100. Help build a house for Habitat for Humanity
     
101. Go on a kayak overnighter
     

 

• All the one ones that I stole from someone else's list. J