Fitness Sucks

“Everyone wants a nice body but nobody wants to work for it.” This was a phrase that was said when I worked out on active duty. I used to hate this phrase. Today I have decided to make this my motivational theme as I attempt to rid myself of this ‘funk.’ I’ve been working haphazardly trying to lose weight and get back into shape. However it’s been to no avail.
For the past couple of months I’ve been attempting to get back down to manageable weight. Nothing seems to work. I’ve tried doing a normal workout plan, didn’t really work. I’ve downloaded the 100 push-up /sit-up apps for my phone. “Everyone wants a nice body but nobody wants to work for it.” For the longest time it assumed that it had it do with my intensity in my workouts. In my case it has to do with the frequency.
Seriously I must find motivation to want to work out. I look at other people and say in my head “I wish I looked like that.” Why? That should be my motivation that should be enough. Yet here I sit trying to find motivation.
Well I’m here to say that I am getting off my ass. I’m tired of saying that I’m working on something and not really working on something. I must be held accountable! No longer will I be saying I’m going to try and workout. I will be working out. I must take this more seriously. I must lose this weight; I must stop looking at other people in jealously.
So here is my plan on correcting this situation:
I have downloaded some apps and updated my calendar. Currently I have 200 sit-ups, 100 push-ups and MapMyRun. The push up and sit up programs are great but when working out it the constant stopping to switch apps are irritating. I have opted to try MyFitnessPal app. I don’t know that this is ‘the’ app but I will be giving it a go.
Okay so that was the breakdown of apps. As for the workout plan, I will be using a simple 10K plan that will allow me to get back into the wanting to run pattern. The last time I used it I found that I actually started to like running. This should be fun, especially since I don’t like to run. (I’d rather write the next great American novel). I will be using a upper body/lower body workout plan for the rest of the body. Abs! I want abs!! For that reason I will be using a 10-15 minute abs program each day.
The last thing I am doing is monitoring my nutrition. I’ve not taking this time to really look at this. I know that my eating pattern is schizophrenic so this will be ‘fun’ to control.
So here is my current breakdown as of 18 July 2010.

Height Weight Calorie
Current 5’7” 165 1500-2900
Ideal 130-142 1520

And with that I will be getting off of this soapbox since I've got 30lbs to lose.

Soup

I need to pick up some challah and make matzo ball soup this weekend!!!

Most people I know now don’t like matzo ball soup. For me it’s the best. It was a recipe that my great grand-mother taught me to make. She would say it’s talking food. I would laugh every time she would say it. I spent many dinners at her house. She would start off the same way every time. “Denise, where you a good girl this week? You know I don’t make soup for bad girls.” I would look at my dad and would say the same thing every time: “She came real close to being a bad girl this week but she tried to do the right thing.” She would smile and say we could make soup. I would be soo happy that I could make soup.

We would talk about the whole week and why it’s important to do the right thing. She would say something like: “You must try to do the right thing all the time, even when it hurts.” I never understood that comment. Heck to be honest there are still days when I don’t understand that comment. By the time we made the soup, I would be sent to set the table. I hated setting the table. It never made any sense. I would eat, she would continue to talk. Usually about what she wanted me to do in the upcoming week. I think I always said I would try (I can’t remember). Of course I would help clean up and if I was good I got to take some with me.

Soup. We talked we shared a moment. Nothing else matter when we made soup. I was with someone who truly cared about me. Our conversations were our own. My dad never asked what we talked about. I could be me. I could ask whatever I wanted it didn’t matter. Though I may not have understood the underline questions they were answered. Honestly and with love.

I need soup. I need THAT feeling!! I’ve been trying for so long to please other needs in my life that I have forgotten me. I say that “It’s about me.” But I don’t think that I have really ever done something truly for me. I need soup. I need talking food. I guard my words. I guard my heart. I have spent so many years putting working on the walls that I have forgotten to paint the walls and put up some pictures.

I need soup. I need comfort. I need to be accepted for me (the good and the bad). I need to know that I can vent and that's all it is. Nothing more nothing less. I need soup. I need that acceptance level. Soup...and a slice or two of challah. :)


On a side note:

I have been working reassessing my career. Currently all the signs point to me needing to leave my current position. So I have started to look at jobs outside of the Army and also in other units. I’ve been going to work for the last couple of months and it’s work. The feelings of it being a career and passion are gone. It’s time to move on. Regardless of the current economic conditions things in my life need to change. If it means turning my life inside out and starting over then so be it. For the record this might just be my mid-life crisis. However I need more in my life. And not knowing that I can progress in not good enough for me. I know that some people can be happy with what they have but that is so not me. I need little improvements. I can’t be the guy sitting in the same position for the next 8 years know this is all I’ll ever be. If that’s the case pull the trigger. For I refuse to settle for this is as good as it gets. Don’t get me wrong I’m not looking to win the lottery (but if you know the numbers could you get me a ticket?), I just looking to ensure that my life is moving forward. If I sit here then life is passing by.

#26 De-clutter My Life: Part 1

I'm surrounded by things in my house. As I look around they don't really hold as much of a value as they once did. That's how this task made it into my day zero list.  Currently I have completed 16% of my tasks.  Decluttering would be a get idea, however here I am trying to downsize my house. As I try and clean out my house of the little things becomes more of a chore than a quick fix that I had orginally assumed it would be.

Let us start of with the bedroom.  This should be a simple fix right?  Not so much.  In the beginning I pulled everything out again and verified what I needed and what I really wouldn't wear. Yet again I as able to let go of somethings. As I placed everything back into the closet it still doesn't look like I made a dent. But now I have clothes that I THINK I might wear. The dresser produced the same results.   As for the other things in the bedroom area those were simple choices.

The living room will take longer to complete. I plan on getting rid of my entertainment center. This in itself will create a lot of loose items that I need to figure out if I need it and where I want to put them once the entertainment center is gone. The office will have its own issues. As I will have to first downsize my paper trail. Once that's complete I need to consolidate my two bookshelves into one.  As for the desktop I will be converting it into a media center for my home theatre.  This will result in having to convert either my old laptops to monitors or something useful.

It is my goal to complete both my living room and office this weekend.   As my goal is to get down to owning only what I need. For I think I have spent the last eight...yes eight collecting nice to haves.  Now I look around and see my nice to haves as these meaningless things that have consumed me.

 

May I leave you with quotes that explain my current thoughts. And yes they are strangely scattered.

"The things you own end up owning you.".  -chuck palahniuk

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to anything."- chuck palahniuk

"Youre not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis" - chuck palahniuk's fight club

I need to be free of these things that are holding me down.  For they are preventing my wings from spreading.

This Book Will Change Your Life

Some time ago I purchased a book called "This Book Will Change Your Life." After purchasing the book I completed some tasks and put the book down as my life was changing. Now that my life has settled down and I am trying to complete unfinished tasks in my Day Zero Project. This last weekend I completed the last take I was willing to do within the book. My last task was to leave a note on someone's windshield. My note: According to the police officer I can no longer follow you around, something about a state law. I love you and will be back after googling it." It may freak out the owner of the car but I giggled like a school girl as I put it on their car.

I have decided not to complete many of these tasks. Some of things I currently cannot wrap my head around doing. Some I know are illegal other so stupid I will not stoop to that level. With that said here are some the things I have opted not to do.

 

• SEND A LETTER TO A SERIAL KILLER. Seriously? Why the F would I want to brighten this rat bastard's pathetic little life. I mean seriously no!
  
• EAT NOTHING BUT ASPARAGUS ALL DAY LONG TO ASCERTAIN JUST HOW NOXIOUS YOUR PEE CAN GET. I'm sorry did you want me to smell my pee? Not going to happen. Granted I do wonder how many people who bought this book actually did this.
  
• DAIL A PHONE NUMBER AT RANDOM AND READ THIS SCRIPT WITH A DEEP SOUTH ACCENT. Please note that it is like a 2 page rant on believing in Jesus Christ and why you should believe in him. Yeah…nope!
  
• APPLY FOR KNIGHTHOOD. As soon as I do something worth applying I will submit. Until then I'll just hold onto the address. J
  
• MAKE A CITIZZEN'S ARREST. Something about this says false imprisonment charges.
  
• EXPERIENCE CHRIST'S PLIGHT FOR YOURSELF WITH OUR DIY CRUCIFIXION KIT. Once again, not going to happen
  
• SHOPLIFT TODAY. Why does it feel like I'm going to get arrested yet again?
  
• PREGNANCY TEST DAY. Here they want you to pee on this page to see if you're pregnant. Whaaa?
  
• SEND $18 TO THE AUTHORS. Yeah to the authors: I'm sure you made money during the book deal. If not hire a new agent. Thanks but no.
  
• TODAY, HAND DELIVER ALL YOUR E-MAILS. Okay I'll get right on that.
  

 

So it's official. I have completed #57. On a side note, I have completed #47. Now I must figure out how to come up with the money to plant trees. To offset my carbon footprint since birth I would have to plant 477 trees (14 trees per year).

 

 

 

 

 

Drowning

I’m drowning! I’m grasping for air. As I try to stay afloat, I feel things pulling me down. I kick my legs and nothing. Slowly I begin to sink further into the water. Once I was on top of the water enjoying the clouds go by on my little float. Now here I am sinking.


I’m drowning. It’s the little things that consume me. I look around and these little things that have become the weights. Once my life was filled with joy, now it’s just a hollow abyss of maintenance. Where did everything go south? Did time pass me by as the things grew? Did I fail to realize the things were starting to consume me? I’m drowning! I must free myself of this feeling. So here I sit waiting for things to sort themselves out. I look around hoping that things will just fall into place. I went from being a minimalist to a collector. Now here I am drowning with the weight that makes me feel like a hoarder.


So beginning today I am learning to swim. I will start off by looking my surroundings and realizing that I am no longer a minimalist. I was at peace as a minimalist. I must shed this weight that has become my burden. Will this solve the problem? I don’t know. But I’m drowning and must learn to swim. My energy is being suck way from as I look at these little things that need to do and don’t want to.


There once was a time that I would wake up and start my day with fire in my eyes. I would complete my objectives in a day. Now I start them and hope to finish in a day or two. Some objectives, I place on my task list and move to tomorrow in hopes of not having to do them. I’m sense of accomplishment is sinking with my peace.
So today I begin my two month journey of shedding this weight of having too many little things that are holding me back. Once there was a time that all my things didn’t consume me. I will not let my things consume me.