Taking a step back

Questions are running through my head to the point of no return. Where did I go wrong? Did I become so consumed with thinking that I am the best person for the job; that I became the worse person for it? Did I not build enough confidence in you on my position that you would think I can do this? How can someone else fulfill your needs better than me?

For eight years I've taken your smug remarks and have learned to roll with the punches. This is what I get for my efforts? How can you think that this doesn't change me? All I can do is take a step back and look in the mirror. I have no choice but to question myself and my performance. I didn't do something is the reason you ran to them over me. All I can do is take that step back and watch them to understand how they address your needs better than me. All I can do is learn from them and look to satisfy some else's needs. For there must have been something that made you second guess me and what I can do.

This is a life lesson, right? Take the good with the bad and say, 'no worries.' I must learn to move forward for there is nothing here for me. I can't stay and wait for you to notice me. I've stood by waiting for this moment. Yet you gave the chance to someone else. What did I do? What didn't I do?

Are you seriously expecting me to tell them how to complete their tasks? Are you expecting me to continue on my current path and let them get all the credit? I have to take a step back. I did something wrong. Maybe I was too focused on the ring that I didn't see the road to the ring. I have to take a step back and look into that mirror and hope that is has some answers to explain to me where I went wrong.

Note: For those who don't already know, I didn't get the promotion. Someone else did, someone who I once out ranked is now in-charge of me. I'm happy for them but, this sucks! How can anyone think that I will be jumping for joy? How can anyone think that I would stay and not look for another job? Maybe I'm the dead weight and this is my wake up call. I mean hell, someone who I'm in charge of told me. Not my platoon leader, not my 1SG, not my commanding officer someone who I'm in charge of. This for me only adds salt to the injury.

I'm taking a step back for my current path is closed and I can't reopen it. I must find a new path, a new direction. This is my "medication." I have to realize that it's not you it's me. I have to change directions and move forward. I have spent too much time here and this is just a reminder that I must go and find a new path.